Pool Sharks
by Jonathan R
Summary: When Mr. Krabs' high school rival threatens to turn the Krusty Krab into a pool hall, Mr. Krabs enters Spongebob in a pool competition to save the restaurant.
1. The Challenge

"POOL SHARKS"

  
  


Disclaimer: I do not own Spongebob and all related characters and they don't own me.

  
  


(Opening scene: the Krusty Krab Restaurant. Squidward is behind the counter and Mr. Krabs is in his office. Spongebob is just walking through the front door, right on time.)

  
  


Spongebob: Good morning, citizens of Bikini Bottom!

  
  


(The customers answer Spongebob's greeting, which causes crumbs to fly out of their mouths. Spongebob walks up to Squidward.)

  
  


Spongebob: Good morning, Squidward.

  
  


Squidward: (putting down his issue of Squid Illustrated and sighing) Morning, Spongebob. Hey, Spongebob, do me a favor and don't do any singing or whistling today.

  
  


Spongebob: Yessir, Mr. Squidward, sir. (Heads to the kitchen, humming a song. Squidward rolls his eyes and continues reading.)

  
  


(Suddenly, the front doors burst open! A tall shark named Buck, with a tanktop, shorts, and a long nose, enters the Krusty Krab. As he walks toward the counter, western music starts playing and the customers are frozen with curiosity, their eyes following this stranger. Some start ducking under the tables.)

  
  


Squidward: Um, may I take your order?

  
  


(Buck leans his fins on the counter and says in a deep, sly voice) 

  
  


Buck: I'm here to see Mr. Krabs.

  
  


Squidward: He's a little busy at the moment. (points in the direction of Mr. Krab's office.)

  
  


Buck: (sarcastically) Oh, has the cheapskate finally got a decent place of establishment?

  
  


(The office door flies open, Mr. Krabs appears with an angered expression on his face.)

  
  


Mr. Krabs: Did I hear the word '"cheapskate"? Or was I- (Mr. Krabs recognizes the customer and gasps in shock. He becomes angry again) Why it's me old high school rival, Buck Shark!

  
  


Buck: Hello, Krabs. Long time, no see.

  
  


Mr. Krabs: (narrowing his eyes) Apparently not long enough. What brings you to Bikini Bottom?

  
  


Buck: I just thought I'd let you know that I finished building my brand new pool hall on the other side of town, but the location is all wrong. I'm thinking about moving my business to a more friendly environment, like, say, where your restaurant is?

  
  


(Mr. Krab's pupils dilate when Buck says this, then he blurts out...)

  
  


Mr. Krabs: OVER MY DEAD EXOSKELETON!!! (Spongebob runs from the kitchen to the two former schoolmates, followed by Squidward.)

  
  


Spongebob: What's wrong, Mr. Krabs?

  
  


Mr. Krabs: This lowlife wants to turn the Krusty Krab into a pool hall!

  
  


Spongebob: (gasping his trademark gasp) Not the Krusty Krab!

  
  


Squidward: (mildly interested) Will there be clarinet karaoke there?

  
  


Mr. Krabs: Squidward! I'm not paying you to switch sides.

  
  


Squidward: You barely pay me anything.

  
  


Mr. Krabs: Then get back behind the counter! (Squidward leaves and scratches his head, wondering what sense there was in that remark.) You'll never knock down the Krusty Krab! 

  
  


Buck: Why? Because you wanna preserve it for it's history of being a former retirement home? (Buck laughs. Mr. Krabs grits his teeth, not letting Buck know that it previously WAS a retirement home.)

  
  


Mr. Krabs: Look, Buck, what'll it take to get you to change your mind?

  
  


Buck: (smiling) I thought you'd ask that. We'll settle this over a game of pool. Your best man versus my best man. If you win, you get to keep the Krusty Krab. If I win, I get to call this place, "My own personal entertainment and billiards establishment!!!" (everyone has blank faces, as if to say 'what does that mean?') Or "Buck's Pool Hall" for short. Have you got anyone in mind?

  
  


Mr. Krabs: Well, of course I do! I, uh... (Mr. Krabs looks around and spots Spongebob, who is still with him) I've got Spongebob Squarepants!

  
  


Spongebob: Huh?

  
  


Buck: All right then. We'll play at my place at this time tomorrow...no, wait! (Buck pulls out a small notebook and looks though it) Drat. I have an appointment at the Tune-a-fish Instrumental Club tomorrow. How about the day after?

  
  


Mr. Krabs: Oh, he'll be ready.

  
  


Buck: Good. I'll see you then. (laughs menacingly and leaves)

  
  


Spongebob: Um, Mr. Krabs...

  
  


Mr. Krabs: I know, boy. You're wondering how I know that wet sack of scales. Well...(flashback photos are displayed during the duration of this speech) it started back in high school. Buck and I were like cats and dogfish; we never got along. The only thing both of us were any good at was money. I was school treasurer, in fact, but Buck kept using the funds for his own advantage. Well, I always managed to keep my anger under control until that fateful day when the school had to vote for the creature who was "most likely to succeed". I gave it me all, but somehow, someway, Buck won...BY ONE VOTE! From that moment on I wanted to deck that fish right in his big, long nose, but he moved right after graduation and I never got the chance. (flashback photos end) And now he's come back to take me restaurant. But we're not giving up without a fight! (triumphant music plays.)

  
  


Spongebob: That's not what wanted to ask you, Mr. Krabs.

  
  


Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, Spongebob. After you win that game of pool, Buck will get what's coming to him! I have complete confidence in you. (triumphant music continues)

  
  


Spongebob: Actually, I was going to ask you...um...what's "pool"?

  
  


(triumphant music ends with an abrupt turntable scratch)

  
  


Squidward: (from the counter) Complete confidence, huh?

  
  


(Scene changes to the next day at the Krusty Krab. Spongebob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs are alone and standing around a pool table in the middle of the restaurant. Billiard balls are positioned haphazardly on the table.) 

  
  


Mr. Krabs: Now then, the object of billiards is very simple.

  
  


Spongebob: Billy what?

  
  


Mr. Krabs: Billiards! That's another name for pool. Now pay attention. The object is to hit either the striped or plain colored balls into those pockets with this stick. (hands Spongebob a pool stick)

  
  


Spongebob: OK. (Spongebob gets on the table and positions himself like a golfer in front of a golf ball)

  
  


Mr. Krabs: Not like that!

  
  


Spongebob: Sorry, Mr. Krabs. (gets down off the table)

  
  


Mr. Krabs: Like this, boy! (positions himself like a real pool player) Now try and hit one of the balls into a hole.

  
  


(A short segment follows with Spongebob trying to position his fingers from the hand on the table to the stick. Squidward yawns, but eventually, Spongebob has his fingers in a jumbled up mess around the stick and says, "I'm ready!" He then softly hits the 8-ball into a corner pocket.)

  
  


Spongebob: Yay!

  
  


Mr. Krabs: Good job, Spongebob. Except you did two things wrong. First, the 8-ball is supposed to go into the pockets last. Second of all, the only ball you're allowed to hit is the cue ball. (points to the white ball)

  
  


Spongebob: Oooohhh!

  
  


(Squidward racks up the balls and positions them within moments.)

  
  


Mr. Krabs: Now Spongebob, I want you to break those balls by hitting them straight on with the cue ball.

  
  


Spongebob: Okey-dokey, Mr. Krabs! (Spongebob aims with the stick and hits the cue ball hard! The cue ball sails through the air and hits Squidward right between the eyes, knocking him unconscious.)

  
  


Spongebob: (glancing at Mr. Krabs) Maybe I should've chalked up the stick first.

  
  


(Scene changes to Spongebob's bedroom. It's night and Spongebob is in bed. Gary is on the floor next to the bed.)

  
  


Spongebob: Well, Gary. Tomorrow the fate of the Krusty Krab will be decided. How do I get myself into these messes?

  
  


Gary: Meow.

  
  


Spongebob: Luck has nothing to do with it, Gary. I just have "disaster" written all over me.

  
  


Gary: Meow.

  
  


Spongebob: Yeah, you're right.....Unless it was with invisible ink!

  
  


Gary: Meow.

  
  


Spongebob: OK, OK, I'll stop. Good night, Gary. (Spongebob turns off the light.) 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. The Competition

(Scene changes to the next day at Buck's Pool Hall, a run-down bar on the other side of Bikini Bottom. The place is packed to the gills with fish. Also there, are Spongebob, Mr. Krabs, Buck, Squidward, Patrick, and Sandy.)

  
  


Spongebob: Gee, Mr. Krabs, I don't know if I can go through with this.

  
  


Mr. Krabs: (gasps) You're talking crazy, boy! Remember, the future of the Krusty Krab is at stake! So go out there and make me proud!

  
  


Patrick and Sandy: Yay, Spongebob! Yay!

  
  


Squidward: (sarcastically, with a band-aid on his head) Yay.

  
  


Mr. Krabs: (walks up to Buck with Spongebob) Well, Buck, I think Spongebob is ready to play you now!

  
  


Buck: Well, I'm really glad to hear it, Mr. Krabs.....if he were playing me that is.

  
  


Mr. Krabs and Spongebob: What???

  
  


Buck: (pulling out a microphone behind his back while a spotlight suddenly shines on him) Ladies and gentlefish! May I direct your attention to that side of the pool hall! (points to the far wall) Presenting....Spongebob's opponent!

  
  


(The spotlight shines on a door with a fish symbol on it, indicating that it's a restroom. A fish walks out of it, shades his eyes from the light with his fin, and says "Meep." Everyone bursts out laughing, except Buck, who grows increasingly angry.)

  
  


Buck: (to the spotlight operator) Not there, you moron!! Over there!

  
  


(The spotlight follows the wall until it comes to a plain door. It opens and a fat shark walks out. He is wearing a fine brown suit, tie and a fedora. He holds a pool stick with his fin. Everyone gasps, especially Mr. Krabs.)

  
  


Mr. Krabs: Blazin' barnacles!!!

  
  


Spongebob: Who is that Mr. Krabs.

  
  


Mr. Krabs: The best pool playin' shark in the ocean, lad.......Minnesota Sharks!

  
  


Squidward: (amazed) I thought he retired!

  
  


(At another part of the pool hall, a betting table has been set up. All the fish betting for Spongebob suddenly move over to bet for Minnesota Sharks.)

  
  


Buck: (to a sweating Mr. Krabs) May the best sea creature win, Krabs.

  
  


(Scene changes to Spongebob at one end of the table. Minnesota Sharks decided to let Spongebob fire the opening play. Spongebob glances at Minnesota, who has an expressionless face. He glances down at the table and notices the cue ball is missing.)

  
  


Spongebob: Patrick, my cue ball, please.

  
  


(Patrick gives Spongebob a white billiard ball with a big letter 'Q' on it.)

  
  


Spongebob: No, Patrick. (tosses ball away) The plain white ball.

  
  


(Patrick walks out of the scene. A woman's voice screams. Patrick returns with a big white sphere.)

  
  


Spongebob: Patrick, this isn't a cue ball. It's a pearl!

  
  


Patrick: Oh.

  
  


(An old, wrinkled female fish with glasses walks up and takes her pearl. She puts it back onto her necklace. She then turns around and whacks Patrick with her cane. Patrick falls onto the floor as the woman walks off saying, "No-good whipper-snapper.")

  
  


Mr. Krabs: Here, boy. Take this cue ball. (gives Spongebob a real cue ball.)

  
  


(Spongebob takes the ball and puts it on the rightful place on the table. He then gets into his firing position. After a tense moment, he abrubtly fires the ball! However, just as before, the ball flies off the pool table and knocks out Squidward again. Much laughter follows.)

  
  


Buck: (recovering) I think...(snicker)...I think we'll let Minnesota go first.

  
  


(Buck gives Minnesota a cue ball, which, by the way, is a few shades darker than a regular cue ball. Minnesota professionally breaks up the billiard balls. A plain colored ball falls into a pocket.)

  
  


Mr. Krabs: OK, Spongebob. Now, all you gotta do is sink all the striped colored balls.

  
  


Spongebob: Aye aye, Mr Krabs. 

  
  


Buck: (smiling) Your turn, Sponge.

  
  


(Spongebob sees a striped ball right in front of a pocket. He takes careful aim and fires the ball directly towards it. Suddenly, at the last moment, the cue ball changes direction, missing the striped ball entirely! Everyone gasps.) 

  
  


Buck: Ooooh, tough luck Spongebob. Ha ha!

  
  


(As the game progresses, Minnesota Sharks continues to sink in plain-colored balls while Spongebob keeps missing striped balls because the cue ball always mysteriously veers away at the last second. Mr. Krabs and Buck periodically glare at each other across the room. Halfway through the game, Minnesota chalks up the end of his stick. Following his example, Spongebob takes the cube of chalk and chalks up his stick so hard, there is no trace of the chalk left, except on an entire half of his stick.)

  
  


Spongebob: (to Minnesota) Uh, I like to keep my stick extra chalky.

  
  


(After a while, Minnesota only has one plain-colored ball left before the 8-ball. It's Spongebob's turn.)

  
  


Spongebob: (thinking to himself as he sets himself up for one last-ditch effort for a comeback) I can't believe it. I'm going to lose. Not just the game, but the Krusty Krab. And then my house! Then Gary, then all my friends, then my laundry, then...

  
  


Mr. Krabs: Spongebob! Snap out of it!

  
  


(Spongebob snaps out of it, which causes him to knock the cue ball toward a striped ball. Amazingly, the cue ball doesn't change course. The striped ball goes into the pocket. Everyone cheers. Buck's eyes widen with surprise.)

  
  


Spongebob: Hooray!

  
  


(The following segment shows Spongebob sinking striped ball after striped ball. He does so with a multitude of wacky aiming stances. Everybody starts cheering except for Buck, who grows increasingly worried. He says to himself, "What's going on? This can't be right." Minnesota remains neutral, but grows anxious. Finally, the only balls left are the cue ball, the 8-ball, and a plain-colored ball.)

  
  


Spongebob: Allrighty. Mr. Krabs...(aims the cue ball toward the 8-ball and glances toward Mr. Krabs) Here I go.

  
  


(Spongebob slowly pulls the stick back. Mr. Krabs, Buck, and everyone else, starts sweating. Squidward looks shocked for a second, then quickly puts on a football helmet, for fear of getting hit in the head again. Only, Minnesota Sharks remains calm, although his fins become sweaty. Then, using all of his strength, Spongebob fires the cue ball! Once again, the ball flies through the air. It ricochets off of Squidward's helmet.)

  
  


Squidward: Hah! (a rack holding spare pool sticks collapses behind Squidward and falls on him.) 

(The ball begins ricocheting off the walls, fish, ceiling, and the floor. Everyone dives for cover. Eventually the ball lands back onto the pool table. Spongebob sighs with relief. Suddenly, he gasps. The cue ball is heading toward the last plain-colored ball! To his dismay, the cue ball sinks the plain-colored ball into the pocket. Now, Spongebob and Minnesota both have a shot at the 8-ball, but it's Minnesota's turn. With Spongebob and Mr. Krabs's mouths agape, Minnesota leans over to take the final shot, a smile upon his face.)

  
  


Patrick: (off to the side) Achoo!

  
  


(Patrick's sneeze causes Minnesota to slip. The cue ball heads away from the 8-ball. Spongebob's friends begin to cheer, but they suddenly gasp in shock. The cue ball curves impossibly toward the 8-ball. They collide, and the 8-ball falls into the pocket, which ends the game.)

  
  


Buck: Minnesota wins!

  
  


Mr. Krabs: (running up to Buck's face, enraged) Waddya mean "Minnesota wins?!" That ball is rigged!

  
  


Buck: Are you calling my family's cue ball a phony?

  
  


Mr. Krabs: I'm calling this whole game a phony...one that you conjured up!

  
  


(Spongebob and his friends get behind him while Buck's friends get behind him. A fight is sure to break out, but instead, Minnesota Sharks whacks his stick against the table. This causes everyone to freeze and stare at him. The shark leans over and taps on the cue ball with his stick. To everyone's amazement, a tiny door opens up on the side of the cue ball. Out stumbles Plankton, his skin an ill shade of green from being knocked and spun around for so long. He had been controlling the ball from the inside this entire time.)

  
  


Plankton: Oooohhh....I don't feel so good. (he puts his hand on his mouth with cheeks bulging, pulls out a paper bag from behind him, and runs back into the ball. Barfing sounds are soon heard from inside.)

  
  


Mr. Krabs: So. Me old arch-enemy hired me new arch-enemy to help win the game. Well, I think we all know what you gotta say now. (everyone starts crowding a very nervous Buck.) 

  
  


Buck: (defeated) OK, you can keep the Krusty Krab.

  
  


(Everyone cheers except Buck, Minnesota, Plankton and all those fish who bet against Spongebob. Everyone starts to leave, but Buck pulls Minnesota aside.)

  
  


Buck: What happened to you? I could've given your career back! You said you wanted it more than anything!

  
  


Minnesota: (speaking for the first time) Not at the expense of cheating. I went along with it at first, but throughout all my years of playing pool, I have never once resorted to cheating. Unlike you, who couldn't even win a "most likely to succeed" competition at high school without adding an extra winning ballot! 

  
  


(Mr. Krabs freezing at the door.) 

  
  


Buck: (grabbing Minnesota by the shirt.) I thought I made it clear never to bring up that little fact once I told you about it. (makes a fist) Now I'm gonna have to-

  
  


Mr. Krabs: (taps Buck on the shoulder and says, in a singsong voice) Oh, Mr. BUUuuuck...

  
  


(Spongebob, Squidward, Patrick, and everyone else looks on and then cringes when a punching sound is heard. Obviously, Buck received Mr. Krabs's well-overdue retaliation. Mr. Krabs returns.)

  
  


Mr. Krabs: (smiling) Well, I think our job is done here.

  
  


Minnesota: (to Spongebob) Good game, Spongebob.

  
  


Spongebob: You too, Mr. Sharks. Hey, let's all go down to the Krusty Krab to celebrate!

  
  


Everyone: Yeah!!!

  
  


(The final scene: Everybody leaves the pool hall. Buck is lying unconscious by a wall with a big dent in his nose and stars circling above him. Plankton stumbles toward the edge of the pool table, still dizzy. He falls over the side, screaming, and hits the floor hard.)

  
  


Plankton: Ouch.

  
  


The End 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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